I want to complain. It is my natural go to thought. I wake up and the first thing I think about is how tired I am. I want to write about how "hard" things are for me. Like somehow everything that is wrong with me and wrong with my day, makes me more interesting. If I am honest it's probably an automatic way to try and seek attention, even though it never works.
The truth is I have no right to complain. I am lucky to be breathing when I wake up in the morning, for my heart to be beating. This means that God still has purpose for me, a plan. I have a beautiful wife, two beautiful kids. My basic needs are met on a daily basis and even my unnecessary wants. I live in a country where I am aloud to express my opinion, exercise my faith, without worrying about having my door kicked in and being dragged off, never to be seen again. I am blessed.
The biggest blessing I have is my salvation in Jesus Christ. I have done a lot of running away and procrastinating when it comes to God. He has been patient with me, drawing me close, even when I did not deserve it. I'm blessed with the knowledge of Him, and how He made the world to work. The meaning of life is so simple and beautiful, and yet it eludes so many. My faith is a gift, nothing I have done brought me here. I was not interested in truly knowing Jesus, and he saved me anyway!
Complaining is something I do automatically but it is not something I need to dwell in. I can choose to pass over damaging thoughts. I can choose to think about the good things I have, instead of the momentary issues I am going through. Some days I may win, some days I may lose. I get new grace every morning, and I am incredibly grateful for that.
Monday, October 27, 2014
I needed a place.
A place to organize and write down my thoughts and ideas. I have what you could call a thinking problem. I know that putting the whirling mass of ideas, thoughts, opinions, and daydreams into spoken word is something that I struggle with. I have always written things down a lot better than trying to communicate them from brain to mouth. I have so many things that I feel would be beneficial for me to get them out.
I don't really expect this blog to become something people read. I don't mind if they do, but I don't have any dreams for it. It is mostly for me. So if you happen to actually read it please know that I am writing without any kind of filter. A filter that I would usually use in order to keep from offending, one that I use a lot in my other social interactions. I am just kind of dump everything out here. And hopefully, by dumping things out, I can actually get a little bit of organization in my mind.
You see, I tend to picture my mind as a storm. A tornado of some sort. My thoughts whirl around and I get them a little bit at time until they are ripped from me and my focus moves to something else. They do circle around, but you can probably guess this makes things work out a lot slower than if I could keep one thought for as long as I wanted/needed.
I think that's why writing is so helpful, because it helps pull my focus onto what I am thinking. The storm subsides and I can get an idea out.
I don't exactly have a good past with blogs. My past is a graveyard of forgotten then deleted blogs. This I hope will be different, but guarantees are pretty limited.
So that being said, this is the end of my first entry here.